I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
God, I missed his penis.
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