I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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