someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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