Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
