you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
