you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
