omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
