We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
