Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
