piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
