When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
