just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
