Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
