I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
