JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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