nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
