i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
