I look better un-naked...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
