I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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