His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do herpes really smell.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
