Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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