3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
