once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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