One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
