You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
