So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
