I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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