He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i out mim tonsoeep
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