dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
