You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We left an ass print on the piano.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
