You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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