hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
