I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
