Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
