in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My penis needs a shock collar
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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