Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
