Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
