I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Randomize
