you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
