She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
