Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
