Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
