Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
