....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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