a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
