FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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