PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
