How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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