I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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