I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
