So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
