he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
