it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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