The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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