I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
